I am here. Is Hal’s first and yet last words in Infinite Jest.
You find yourself back in Seattle months after you drove back to Texas with three years worth of belongings. A blur of roads and faces. You relive memories with friends. Yet change is everywhere. You see how being back home, a blur of depression, jobs and then satisfaction, has affected you. Your beloved friends have of course grown as you have.
You are leaving in about a month for Cameroon to teach english for the Peace Corps and your time here makes you think of it in terms of lost possibilities instead of nervous anticipation. You find a medium within a deep breath. You are here and forever will be.
It is not so much sad as reassuring.